[He stares down at the table for a long moment, catching Kakashi's look out of the corner of his eye. He's not sure he wants to say anymore. He's never spoken about this much. Not even with Bucky.]

It felt unfair. Like I cheated death while everyone I knew and loved was left behind to grow older and eventually die. But I was also jealous of them. They got to live. Build families. See their kids and grandchildren grow.

And I...I had to start all over again.